oops/ Kriss McGough-Feldmann (Cousin)
Ha hope ya laughed cuz I hate this stupid phone sometimes lol dumb ass auto correct. Thursday you will be 22 not 24 uuggh stupid phone. Lol anyhow had to fix that so ppl don't read my previous post and think I am a retard ♡♡♥♥ love ya Close
♡♡♥♥ missin u / Kristin McGough-Feldmann (1st Cousin )Read >>
♡♡♥♥ missin u / Kristin McGough-Feldmann (1st Cousin )
I don't have a whole lot to say. .. my tears kinda speak for themselves. I couldn't figure out all day why today sucked so bad. Then I realized what day today is. ... imma celebrate you on the 12th. Fucc this death shit cuz. On Thursday, You Will be 24. Omg I'm old lol. I remember the last few times we hung out and you spent the night at my house with your home girl. I have always regretted not being more involved with you in a positive way, of course you probably wouldn't have wanted to hang out then cuz you would have thought I was lame lol but oh well. When I got that call from duka, I dropped to my knees and screamed. I've never really dealt with this. It affected so many people when you died, I felt like I had to focus on your mom and dad and timmy. But you are the reason I left michigan. I couldn't take it anymore. No one knows this. But I love you sooooo much krilissa. See You in heaven baby girl♡♡♥♥ Close
Sweet babygirl with such a pretty smile and a pure heart of gold was murdered one July night and left cold as stone. Memories fill my mind, her beautiful face cloud my head. They can't take my little Krilissa Oh please God she's not dead, my life without her is lived with dread. For she is gone how I wish it wasn't true Sweet babygirl Our family's always Missing you. Cowards stoled your life at only 14 crushing all of your dreams. They will pay trust me that's a fact Those bastard shot you in the back. We can't turn the hands on the clock but rest in peace sweet babygirl cause the 4 who killed you is spending life on a prison cell block. sweet babygirl your not really gone God just set your soul free. I'll carry all the memories we made and remember them with Glee, time and no one can take that away from me. The footprints you left in my heart and the Love I feel for you will forever stay. Oh babygirl til the sunsets and I join you in Heaven on my last day.
I wrote this for you and to help myself your always on my mind.
I Love and Miss you so much Still Krilissa and I always will. Keep Smiling Beautiful Babygirl... sending hugs and kisses your way for Maranda too.
Oh God Krilissa how lonely I feel without you. I'm beyond missing you still and I know theres nothing to change that. There is so much we should be celebrating together this year and not being able to makes me long for it that much more, your senior year, Graduation and Your 18th Birthday. And Heaven knows what else we would be doing together if you were here but I'm sure it would be something outrageous Funny and adventurous as always, thinking of that does make me smile babygirl. Life sure has a way of taking you down paths you didn't ever expect to have to explore. Your Brother finally got your songs on your page that I wanted & that makes me happy, I have tried for so long with no luck. I know many Dr"s and some other people say it's been almost 3 yrs you should move on or get over it but who the hell are they to judge unless they have walked in my shoes, There are no limitations or time guidelines to grieving the loss of your loved ones. I have continued to live everyday and learned to live with your death & handle the pain but I will never get over losing you that will be with me all the days of my life. I think of & miss you every single day. I am waiting for summer so I can visit you & Maranda's graves more often. I love the warm weather and at the same time it makes me wish for your Beautiful smile and the blissful sound of your laughter.(Dancing in the summer rain), LOL those were great times & wonderful memories. I Love you sweet Krilissa & Maranda too. Sending many hugs & a smile your way. Thank you babyGirl for that smile. Love, Mom
Missing you / Nicole Barrett (Cousin/Friend)Read >>
Missing you / Nicole Barrett (Cousin/Friend)
Hey, girl, just thinking about you today. I was remembering the time when we went to all those thrift stores with our moms and Grandma and Aunt Gina and Chris and Anthony. We were so bored, but looking back on it, that was one of the best times of my life! Even though, thinking back on stuff like that holds an element of pain - selfish pain from missing you - I'm so thankful to have memories of times like that. Memories of us laughing together about stupid things, or about nothing at all... My most vivid memories of you are of you laughing, and rightly so. That beautiful laugh was never far from the surface. Even though it's been over two years that you've been gone, I still find myself thinking how surreal it is, this life without you. I hate to think that I'll never see your full, dazzling smile again, or hear your beautiful, joyous laugh, that I'll never feel you hugging me again, in that "Krilissa" way. So I choose to believe that I will one day experience all of these things again. I choose to believe that we will meet in heaven and then, hard times such as this, will be truly a lifetime behind us. I love you. Close
......./ Matt Craiger (ex boyfrend )
i dont even know where to start with this letter i miss u so much i think about u every day and what happend wont stop replaying in my head. i just wish i could of took ur place knowing that bullet was for me i just feel like a peace of shit cause there was nothing i could do to help. an that ill never be able to see you again and its killin me i just cant seem to let it go. i love u and always will. even tho i dont show it to other people this has tore me apart not being with you i would give any thing to have u here with us i know its selfish but im sorry i cant help it. and i just want ur mom an dad to know that i rilly am sorry and i still am here for them if thay need me anytime even tho its been a while sence we talked i just had to get that off my chest cuz things are so much differnt without u and i know ur watchin over us keeping us safe and i think you for that cuz lord knows we need it but i will always love u with ALL of my heart an nothing will change that...love matt Close
Hey Babygirl it's been a while since I wrote you anything. There is so much going on here in this crazy screwed up world and your the One I always wanna share with & talk to you were a great communicator and could always soothe or cheer all of us in some way you worked your magic baby. I wish you could do that now I need it so much I miss you so so bad. I keep thinking of your beautiful smile and trying to hear the laughter in your voice & I know you listen to me talk to you but it will never be the same because I can't pysically see touch or hear you -- that just sucks! I was thinking yesterday how when you were two years old you said to me mommy when I die I want Ballerina flowers at my funeral and I said Krilissa baby don't say that I hope you don't die & that I won't see your funeral, but what are ballerina flowers and you said " PINK & PURPLE ONES" as if I should have known that (of course I realized your were talking like that because you saw your sister Maranda die & her funeral at such a young age). As you got older you started to dislike purple and loved the color blue and especially blue roses-- How Ironic for such a young child to say that as if you had a promonition of what the future would hold for all of us . Anyway I was also thinking how your sisters death brought about my Marriage to your father & essentially Your death brought about Our divorce it was the final straw for me , God does work in mysterious ways Huh?? I wish you could be here to see all of your babies you would be so Happy & proud! It's true I do see you in the smiles of every baby I see because you had such a way & a love for children, you vicariously live on through each of them babyGirl. Your nephew Ethan is a lil mini me of you when you were a baby, when he smiles his whole face lites up and his blue eyes just twinkle. Those two baby boys are my pride & joy, so are your brothers most of the time but as you know some times those hard headed boys are a pain in my ass--LOL, But I sure do love them. so much for short & sweet but you know me better! Keep smiling for all of us Beautiful . I Love you & Miss you
I remember getting the call that Scott had died not yet knowing that the lil girl the news was taken about was u. Bob Jonhson called my moms phone to let us know and I remember thinking theres no way!!! I know that u watch over family and friends and I hope that one day in some way u could help ur mother understand that it's not in anyway shape or form her fault that ur not phyiscally with us anymore. Everytime I go to the grave yard I water ur flowers and say a prayer for u and ur family. I still to this day don't believe ur gone. Lori, if there is anyway that I can be there for u please let me know. U were always there for me like when I ran away from home (the whole block to ur house lol) and many other times u were supportive to my family.
You will be forever young and forever loved. As a little girl you were always busy being here there and everywhere. You still are. Today I came across the Thank You Card that your Mom had sent. I truly believe you put it in my path today, on the very day that your journey took you to become an angel to watch over your family, two years ago. I think you wanted me to contact your Mom to let her know that there are so many many people who think of you and your family. Lorie, I miss and admire you for your strenght! Krilissa will always be with you and I will always be here if you need me!
memories/ Lorie (Mom)
Krilissa, Hey Babygirl just wanted to write its been a while. I've been thinking a lot about all the funny stuff your little silly ass would do and how wild and great your spirit and personality was. we had so many terrific hilarious crazy times together & with other family & friends and I try to remember them all and the Happiness and keep you and the memories alive. We have tons & Tons of great pictures. I wonder why what sticks in my head and replays over and over again is the last day we were together, You wanted me to make you Lasagna and have a night out with you & The Girls, (KeriMuthaF-ing Lynnster hahaha) and I did not have time before work. So we went to Mc Donalds and rode around for a while. I can't believe your last meal was sorry Mcdonalds because I was too busy getting ready for work. Oh God How I wish I had stayed home cooked for you and went with you, I will always feel in some ways that I let you down when you needed me most I'm your mom and I was suppost to protect you. I remember the last look I took at you standing in our living room with a big smile on your face talking about changing shirts because you thought you were too fat in the black halter you had on and you had not an inch on your petite cute little body, but you smiled and said I Love you mom have fun as Aunt Teresa & I were walking out to leave for work. Little did I know that would be the last time I would ever see you alive or have the chance to hug you or share anything with you. I called to talk to you later in the day because I was done filling machines I was bored & I had already called & talk to John for a few & He was getting ready to watch a movie with his Daughters,(How smart & Lucky he was to be spending time with his Girls!!). So I wanted to call and talk with you for a while and I ended up talkin to Keri she said you were talking to Matt at the time and I didn't want to interrupt. I wish I would have or I could recapture that time. all the other bad things about that night, the dreeded phone call from your brother Scott who sounded so painfully full of sheer terror(I Knew instantly from his voice something bad happen, I never feared it was you babygirl) he was screaming mom you got to get home & telling me you had been shot and the many other calls that followed, the tremendous down pouring of rain and crying, trying to catch my breath, throwing up and me & Aunt Teresa trying to stay calm so she could drive the two hours from work to the hospital the details of it all. Four Police officers and the K-9 blocked the entrance to the Hospital emergency No One was allowed inside. No one can understand or imagine The complete misery desperation, Shock & Heartache I felt at the hospital when your Uncle said to the police this is her mother and we know she did not make it you need to tell her the truth , I just wanted to die. The Officers said some one will be out to speak with you soon. Then of course they finally led me & Your dad to that awful little silent empty waiting room with four detectives and a police officer and told Us, You were gone or as they put it into terms as you know she was Dead on Arrival, No we did not know shes my Little Girl whole world and my life. Your dad sat there and really said nothing, I told them I know who is responsible and you better hope you find that Bitch before I do, My Daughter is my whole life, They un movingly told us, I know your emotions are running high She was not transported here, we need you to go to the trailer and Identify her body, You may take your own vehicle or we will drive you in a police unit that was my worst fear & Nightmare. You would not believe just how many many people were there surrounding the outside of the hospital emergengy room awaiting word of you our Krilissa & Scott Bonar whom we all Love when we walked out & I shook my head No everyone WENT crazy from the pain we all felt, your Uncles, Aunts, Brothers, Cousins and Friends were cussing and screaming at police, I was crying in the parking lot and screaming at the fates and God, WHY? and then lead away back to the shreds of the trailer, all of these terrible seens and the pictures of you during trial seem to fill my head & thoughts, but the immediate days after and your funeral almost seem to be a blur I was still so in shock and I went through the planning and handling everything like a zombie. I just want to know why all the bad memories and Tragedy keep overshadowing the Good times and Happy memories. Its hard geting used to so many changes in life without you. Your Brother Timmy reminds me so much of you in many ways & looks a lot like you also but we don't share the same relationship I think he is embarrassed of me sometimes as his mom, I assume its different with Boys you know they don't wanna talk to their mom about things and I get that !! Your brother Scott has his own life and to be quite truthful they don't need or make me feel needed like you did. I know they Love me & I Love them both and Maranda too just as much as I do you but the relationships are just very different, you were my baby and my Bestest Friend. I know I rambled a lot. I Will always be missing and loving you my Beautiful sweet Krilissa. Keep smiling babygirl, I need it now more then ever. Love your Mommy Close
Krilissa, Hello sunshine Just wanted to say I love and Miss you a lot baby girl and Maranda too. I can't believe tomorrow will be 15 yrs ago that she left us, then again Its hard to believe it has been almost two years since they took your life. Life seems to be passing by so fast. I want to hold you both so much and I realize its impossible so you sisters embrace and hold each other tight for mom. I will be going to visit your graves later today. I love you both my Beautiful Daughters always. xoxoxo mommy
Missing you BabyGirl / Lorie Caddell-Feldmann (Mommy)Read >>
Missing you BabyGirl / Lorie Caddell-Feldmann (Mommy)
Hello Krilissa , It's mom I'm sure you know that. I sure do miss you like crazy. I know that with all the ugliness in this trying world You are in a much better place and do not have to ever feell hurt or pain and I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's still very hard to accept or adjust to you being gone. I got to love you and share my life with you for 15 wonderful years and I will always Cherish all we shared and be Thankful for Our Gift and our Blessings and Yet it is no easy task learning to live again after lossing such an incrediable Beautiful Young Lady whom inspired you and was your whole world. My Life seems to get more screwed up or I seem to mess it up more with each new day, I can't find my balance or my way and I feel as if I'm a misfit or that I don't belong without you, Maybe my Heart is to damaged to be healed or to let anyone in or to Love. I can tell you I'm afraid to ever love that Deeply or have to endure that kind of devestating pain in life again, I used to think the risk was worth it but after You my Baby I'm not sure I'm strong enough to try, I'm tired of feeling lost, alone and Hurt and yet I don't wanna let any one to close if that makes sence, I know you understand me. I'm trying baby girl I know that you would want the best for me and want me to be happy, loved, loving and living my life to the fullest and I want to for you, after all you are the wind beneath my wings and the strength I need, I still feel you your spirit with me sometimes and I know you are near by watching over all of us and most likely have a Gorgeous smile on your face or your laughing your little ass off at all of us. I wanted to send you a message and let you know there is not a minute that you are not on my mind or in my heart, I'm always missing you and I know I do not visit you very often and It's not because I don't want to but by the time I'm off work the gates are locked which they should stay open longer, anyway I came to visit you & Maranda last Saturday and I went to turn on your music box and that and several other things I have put on were gone and The Dolphin I made for you at ceremics class was broken. Mommy will put new stuff up there for you babygirls again, but thats not the point someone would have to be pretty low to steal things off of someones Grave, Oh well I am not to Judge. I love you so much Krilissa and Maranda Missing you both. I will talk to you again soon your annoying Brother Timmy wants to get on myspace, lol Love Mommy Close
missin u more today then yesterday / Ashley Neal (sister-in-law)Read >>
missin u more today then yesterday / Ashley Neal (sister-in-law)
Today was ruff.Scotty ur big brother was having a bad day cause he was missin u . he says everyday that hes fine but i know that hes not . i know that no matter how much we miss you it isnt gonna bring back but we can always hope for a holiday wish to come true right?But today was hard we fought alot he was being a so ur pussy and he said that it was cause u were gone ,but the way that he was being to me he acted like it was my fault . i wish that i could have done something to help him but everything i try to do for him he throws back into my face .its hard but i made a promise to u that i would do my best to take care of him . but he makes it so hard.i wish u were here so u could tell me what i should do cause i just dont know what to do any more, and i know that its just gonna get worse cause christmas is coming up and i remember how bad last year was . i just wish u could awnser all of my questions cause u always knew the right things to say. love always,ashley Close
missin you lots / Ashley O'bryan (Friend)
Hey hunnie. I havent done one of these for a min. so i thought i would. So anyways. I still miss you of course. Every minute of everyday. I try not to think about you as much cause it hurts when i do but then i realize there wont ever be a day i wont think about you so i might as well stop trying to not. I just try to think of all the awesome memories. I have a boyfriend. Weve been together for like 7 months. I really like him. i wish you were here with me so we could share all of our guys memories together. plus i could really use some advice from you. Wow im like really excited to see you again someday. I always had a fear of passing away. I just wanted to stay on earth forever and ever.Now i don't. I know when i walk through those gates you will be there to see me. I will give you the biggest hug just like the day which was the last time i saw you. Halloween night. You were passing out candy. You seen me and ran and gave me the biggest hug. God i miss that night so much. If i could only get one more hug like that again. wow i cant believe your gone. its not fair. i miss you. you didnt deserve this. gosh i hate it so much. i wish it was all a dream. i wish i would just wake up and it would just have been a bad dream. i would get up and go to your house and igve you the biggest hug. you would probably be like um ashley what the hell is wrong with you. but i wouldnt care. i would be so happy to know it was all just a horrible dream. But ill see you soon. maybe sooner then i think. All i know is that im not scared no more. you helped me with alot in my life and this is just another thing you helped me with. ill always have you in my heart. you are one of those people that once you meet you will never forget them. even if its just a hi and bye. no one could ever forget you. there was something about you. i feel like i didnt get enough time with you. I hate that. its not fair. you were one of my best friends in the 7th grade. and also in the 8th grade. i remember you were ALWAYS my partner for everything. oh gosh i miss so many things. i just want to rewind the time.I know ill see your face again. You will be there waiting for me. You will be there waiting for all of us. Your mom and dad, brother and sisters and the rest of your family. and then your true friends. the one never talked shit about you and stabbed you in the back. Ill see you again krilissa. jjust make sure your there at the gates for me krilissa ok? I love you babygirl!
missin u / Ashley Neal (sister-in-law)
we think about you everyday ... i wish u were to be the best aunt that i know u would be. lil scotty is so big now he has 2 teeth and one more on its way .Allen and Amanda had the new baby today they named him Benjermin Lee he weighed 7 pounds and 9 ozs. i havent see him yet but hes gotta be a cutie.Kayden is huge he looks like his mommy. Keri seems like shes doin pretty good but she would be better if u were here, we all would be better if u were here . i still havent found out what im having i hope its a little girl so i can name her after u . ur big brother is doin ok i think but u never can tell with him . miranda's birthday is coming up of course u know that cause ya'll gonna partyin up there for her 15th birthday.. tell here we send big birthday wishs all the way up there make sure they make through the gates .. lol .. ur lil mom is doin good from what i can see but she wont ever be the same with out u . some days are so depressing when i think about all the things that we could have done as a family . i still dont understand how there could be a god when he lets shit like this happen to innocent people like u . i hope that ur happy but how could one be happy when their life was ripped away so fast in the blink of an eye . christmas is comin up soon ..oh and before i forget u remeber when me u keri and ur mom went to walmart and u wanted that tinkerbell necklace and matchin earrings and i told u that me and scotty would get it for u well we did but u were gone by then so i gave them to ur mom. i dont know what ur getting for christmas but it'll probally be pink with tinkerbell . i see so much tinkerbell shit that i wanna by 4 you now that ur gone . it really sux... well i gotta go scotty is rushin me a i cant type half as fast as u could so i gotta go lil one. love ya and miss ya very much . ashley , scotty , and lil scotty Close
Krilissa, Missing you Gorgeous / Lorie Caddell-Feldmann (Mommy)
Sweetheart, I have not wrote anything to you for a while now, It's still so hard to believe you are gone. I miss you more with each passing day and so does our entire family. Both of your brothers and sisters miss you so much this has been so hard and painful on everyone and will be for along time or maybe for the rest of our lives I'm sure, My life or my days are not and never will be the same without you here. I have so many things I wish I could share with you, most of all right now I wish you could be here to see and enjoy all of your precious little babies, they are such a joy and I know just how much tender loving care and affection you would shower them with, Your nephews Little Scott Lee is the lite of my life right now he is such a happy good natured sweet baby so are Kayden John and Seth and they are all absolutely adorable little heart breakers and getting big so fast, Your cousin Christian is a sweet smiling little cutie pie and he just turned one, And Your Cousin Sanijah is walking and talking she is so Beautiful and looks just like her mommy, and then of Course your Cousin Kaylee, you would get the biggest kick out of her now she is so funny and smart as she can be and Gorgeous, both of the girls remind me of you in different ways when you were such a small little girl. Your little brother Dommy has grown so much and as sweet and lovable as ever, he just started school and he talks about you alot and no longer calls you Kissa he can say your name so good. You always were the little motherly type and had such a way with babies and little kids, So I wanted to tell you about all your babies down here of course I am sure you are watching all of us and that you are smiling. I Love and Miss you babyGirl and Your sister, take care of each other until I make it there. I am okay don't worry about us we all have each other to lean on, You can rest in peace sweetheart, Love always Mom & Your family Close
sweet baby girl / Gina Miller (Aunt)
Krilissa, I miss your beautiful smile! I love you whole much!!! In some ways it seems like yesterday and in some ways it seems like an eternity. I know your up in heaven looking down on us.We miss you so much .I wish we had more time with you. We will meet again someday! Until then know that you are in our hearts and our minds and we will never forget your beautiful fun loving spirit. Your had such a love for people and a playfulness about you. You were beautiful inside and out. And I know in heaven you still are.I'm so sorry for what happened to you. You will be with us forever in our hearts. I lve and miss you. Aunt Gina Close
Happy Sweet 16 / Sherry Blankenship (Friend)
Hello Again Krilissa, I know you probably are shocked by me writing twice in one week, but sweet girl you were taken just 3 days before your birthday. I will not have access to a computer tomorrow and I wanted to wish you a Happy Sweet 16. So Happy Sweet 16 early. Although it will be a sad day, I know your family and friends will need a beautuful angel such as yourself to be with them. I am sure you will be celebrating with them. You are missed and loved so much Krilissa and I sure do wish I could have got know you alot better. Keep smiling that beautiful smile.
wow one year / Ashley O'Bryan<3 (Friend)
Krilissa it has been one year. This is the saddest day of my life. All i did today was think of you. Sorry I couldnt visit you. I had to work. Ill come see you on your birthday though. I have to bring you something too. So i miss you so much. I remember getting a phone call tomorrow morning at 6 in the morning from carly crying telling me you were dead. I still can't believe it was true. I remember telling myself that carly was wrong. How could my girl krilissa be dead. How could anyone ever want to hurt her. And when i seen the news I was speechless. I didnt cry at first. But when i told my mom I just started ballin. You were everything to me. I remember finding this journal thing and I wrote about you. And how you were my role model. I thought you were the best. And you were. You were so nice to me. You gave great advice and i loved listening to your crazy stories. I learned so much from you Krilissa. Sometimes i wish I wouldnt have ever met you so I wouldnt have to deal with this pain. But even with the pain im glad i knew you. Im glad you were my friend. I miss hugging you. The last hug i ever got from you was at halloween. I want to go back to that day and just freeze it. You gave me the biggest hug. Why did they have to take you? Why? I ask myself that all the time. You need to be here. I need you. Your other friends need you. Your family needs you. We all need you. I know you here though. Watching over all of us. I love you krilissa. Don't ever forget that. Ill see you again. And when i do I want to give you the biggest hug. I love you Krilissa. Thanks for all the wonderful memories<333 Close